These are the faces you want when you get a massage, whether solo or in a couples massage scene. You want relaxed facial muscles, lemongrass oil in your hair, and a feeling like the only thing to worry about are the birds above your head that you hope don’t poop on your robe. (I mean, it’s happened.)

Our pursuit is always how to get these faces. It’s a space we chase. You invest your dollars, often lots of them, to achieve this state of mind and you want to be a good investor. So it’s a question my husband Mike and I have rolled around for the past 27 years. Do we dare try their version of couples massage?

We’ve experimented with a number of different combos to see what we find more relaxing when it comes to couples massage. But on our recent Bottoms Up 6 Region Wine/Spa Tour in September where we dove into the world of Covid to see how spas and wineries were handling the whole thing, we discovered that couples massage isn’t even an option in some states right how.

For example, we started our tour in Jackson, Oregon at one of our favorite mineral springs hotels, an independent called Lithia Springs Hotel. We love the hotel and it’s a regular stop even our dog enjoys.

Understand this is not a “spa” per se, but rather a few rooms for massages and we happen to like the couples room (for two because they also use it for one which just feels funny) and so we signed up for couples massage as we had done this before and it worked out well. It’s convenient being right on property because you can go sit in your oversized Jacuzzi tub with mineral water directly piped in after and soak.

On the Lithia property sits one of the two branches of Waterstone Spa. (The other is in Ashland.) When we discovered they were doing couples massage during The Covid, and had Covid protocol in place, we were faced with the question: couples massage or no couples massage?

Why wouldn’t it work out well? It’s an energy thing. It’s also a space thing. The more people you get in a room, the more layers of energy you pile on top and not everybody is cleaning house the way they need to internally. They bring their stuff to the room. So while Mike and I are used to each other’s stuff, when you add two more people in, it can go sideways. In this case, sadly, it did. Once again, our couples massage conversation was on the rocks.

I won’t drag you through the details, but just an overview was that I was on that far table and the heat was on. It was about 110 outside, hotter than it had ever been up there, and in fact caught on fire the next day and we had to evacuate! Hot was everywhere. I asked my therapist to turn down the heat, and instead had hot towels flying this way and that so much so I felt like I was in a hot yoga puddle (not in a good way.) I basically laid there for 90 minutes hoping it would be over before I passed out.

Mike, however, had a great massage which I was happy for because the worst is when we both feel like I felt. Still, I was left with heat stroke and massage envy, the state of mind you reach when just 3 feet away from you that massage bliss face is taking shape. When this happens, you’re both happy for your partner and sad for yourself all in the same room. We experience this in individual massages, too, and learn about this during post-treatment debriefing. Somehow it’s much easier if we’re in different rooms though.

Advice: if this happens to you, call the spa manager. It doesn’t need to be a diva thing, but just let them know and if the spa is at all professional, they will make it right. That’s what happened with this one, and I will return to give them another try, though I will wait until it’s snowing outside!

Now, here’s why YEAH to the couples massage question. When it’s good, it’s amazing. There’s one place in the world we always get couples massages and that is on the Big Island of Hawaii. They’ve got the whole thing dialed in and the spa manager there has a psychic sense about who to pair with whom so that your therapists mix well with each other. That’s so important that I’m going to write a whole different post about that. But the fact that this is outside and yet protected, filled with sounds of tropical birds, ocean breezes (vs. flapping winds), and scents of plumeria wafting through the huts makes it just all one energetic miracle almost always.

However, we can’t even get into Hawaii easily right now so we need to find power pivots when it comes to getting our spa time. It’s important in a stressed out world to hold your center. So on this September trip through California’s Covid Country we peeked cautiously into where we could duplicate (just a little bit) the above scene.

One of these places was in Gold Country, to a place we’ve been many times (and where our dog Kai also likes to visit) called REST. REST is an independent boutique hotel in the middle of a tiny town called Plymouth in Amador County. We love REST for its variety of rooms and perfect bath tubs. Bath tubs are found only in the king suites. You’re just going to have to trust this bathing mermaid that these are the best bath tubs ever, double-wides with jacuzzi tub/shower combos and glass doors so you can see your candles. I know, right???

However, this was the first time we learned they had massage therapists who came into the room and set up. The suites are large, with a living room and a bedroom, so we were once again faced with the question: couples massage or no couples massage. We decided to see how they preferred to set up.

When they arrived, we watched them gathering their massage gear out our blinds. As a former massage therapist, I am a little geeky about the tables. I owned an Earthlite table (which I ended up trading to a woman who came out and gave my mom foot detox treatments and really wanted my table) and had taken it on mobile visits, but it was VERY heavy. Today, they have these light tables with cases, the prices have dropped dramatically which I discovered when I went and looked up those links in case any therapists out there are looking. Also, check out these super cool fold-up stools and bolsters. (Affiliate links, and in transparency I will get a little there that helps fund my writing and addictive spa habit – and would also totally get these if I was a therapist.)

As they came in and set up, they got the music going on the corner television and we were raring to go. As they washed their hands, we crawled up under the covers and BOTH had incredible massages for the next 90 minutes. We will definitely do this again.

How much does couple massage cost? It varies, and you can usually choose from 60 – 90 minutes or some variation on that. I’ve seen Couple Massage Groupons, but have never used them. Some place like the Spa Without Walls on the Fairmont property of the Big Island will be much higher than the couples massage at Waterstone or REST, usually at least twice as much. Consider though, you are also paying for many more amenities in Hawaii and the times we’ve tried to go cheaper there, we’ve always been disappointed. Including tip (20% always), the range is anywhere from $250 – $600. Massage schools offer cheaper alternatives, but I have never tried a couples massage there.

During our tour we met other people who randomly brought up the couples massage debate which is typical of the synchronicities that run through my life. I’d been thinking of writing this and then there they were. You have to learn who you can trust, and where you can trust it. If you’re not happy, let the spa manager know why and this will help her help the therapists do better in the future.

As for us, I think we will stick to our 80/20 plan: 80% of treatments alone, 20% together which makes it both meh and yeah depending on where these busy bees want to land.